The Experience I Didn't Get To Experience

Who is that behind those Foster Grants?  Some will never know.


A wag of the finger, a shake of the fist to those who put out welcome mats, but are actually less than welcoming. They invite us to their woodsy and rustic or white linen draped bungalows to learn the art of meditation and yoga while we commune with others seeking that elevated state of consciousness. They claim we will be refreshed with fruit infused spring water, we will sip herbal teas and dine on gourmet vegetarian meals. Beware, the visions depicted on their web sites as they may only be illusions. I only got as far as the vitrual door. I tried to cross the threshold of positive change. I wanted to experience changes within, from hard clumps of brown sugar to the viscis fluidity of maple syrup. But I discovered I had been fooled. Guess I’ll have to go make my gourmet vegetarian lunch. Of course it will be light and healthy. Something to enliven my spirits and delight my tastebuds. Something easy and quick to prepare. tastebuds. A Veggie Wrap!


Ingredients:
 1 can water chestnuts – drained, sliced

2 large carrots – peeled and julienned

1 red bell pepper roasted or 1 jar – thinly sliced


1 cup bean sprouts

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro

½ cup crushed peanuts

1 head Butter lettuce-washed and dried with paper towels


Lemongrass and Peanut Vinaigrette;
1 lemongrass stalk, white part only, thinly sliced (if you don't have any lemongrass laying around use fresh lemon zest from one large lemon)

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 teaspoon low-salt soy sauce

1 tablespoon toasted sesame seed oil

1 tablespoon whole grain mustard

2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter

2 teaspoons honey

1/3 cup rice wine vinegar

1/3 cup olive oil

In large mixing bowl whisk together first 8 ingredients for vinaigrette until well mixed. Continue whisking as you add olive oil in a single fine stream until mixture is emulsified. Set aside.
Stir in list of ingredients for lettuce wrap from water chestnuts up to and including cilantro into vinaigrette.
Using the best 6-8 of whole leaves from the head of lettuce, place a large spoonful of vegetable-vinaigrette mixture. Garnish each lettuce wrap with chopped nuts.
Serve immediately – Makes 6-8 wraps



Apparently, if you have already achieved a socially acceptable Zen-like state, and you exist in that unbalanced realm of monetary Nirvana, money-in, money-out, money-in, money-out, money-in, money-in and more money-in, then your idiosyncrasies will not be noted nor will you be prevented from crossing their welcome mat. However, if that is not the case and you are more or the wax-on, wax-off type, financially and you are a bit of a variant, then it is likely you will not be permitted to experience their offerings.

I refer to those of us who are frank about our hours spent sitting stiffly in over-stuffed chairs in offices of therapists. Or perhaps extended in prone positions on crackling faux-leather sofas in our psych’s office. I feel your pain and disappointment that nary a glass of wine or morsel of a snicker-snacker is offered. Maybe we’d get to the point of what’s ailing us within that allotted hour if they were.

Anyway, should you admit, as the iconic Joanie Mitchell described, that within the last five years, "your analyst told you, you were right out of your head." And "that you need treatment . . . You were the kind that was most inclined, when out of your head to be out of your mind . . ." Well then you’re not invited! You will not be allowed to seek alternative methods of balancing mind, body and spirit. You might as well, "Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up," then swallow your meds like a good girl or boy. Here's recipe for that.


Limeade Refresher

Ingredients:
1 container of frozen limeade, thawed

2 cans water-use the container of limeade

1 cup coconut water

1/4 cup half and half

1-2 Tablespoons fresh mint

1 cup ice

*1/2 cup white rum (only if you’re not taking meds)

Blend all ingredients together in blender until smooth and frothy

Serves 6

Don’t get me wrong. Years of working in the retail and hospitality business have taught me the do’s and don’ts of providing excellent customer service. What and how to present to customers and what to shield them from. What to tell them to get entice the purchasing of more or coming back again. I understand the importance of weighing factors when hiring staff or collecting a group together. But is it right to adhere to tactics that incite an exclusionary culture based upon presumptions or ignorance in order to exhibit a mainstream and non-threatening image? I say nay!

Would you agree that in any yoga studio, any Yert, any classroom or government office cubicle there exist a microcosm of society at large? We find ways to get along in these environments, because we have to. Just as we do at the Thanksgiving table. But in this case,while filling out the application as a prospective guest, you openly and honestly answer the questions; "Do you take medication?" and "Do you take medication daily?" Yet opt out of answering the question; "What reason do you take medication?" Because you’ve decided to employ your right to privacy, something to do with the HIPPA Act, or I don’t know, being an American living in the United States. Well then may Yaweh help you! Applicant reviewers will be alerted.

You will soon figure out your invitation to be ensconced in harmony with nature, self and God has been rescinded. Learn how to self-sooth through meditation and the chanting of mantras? Not you sir! Engage in the mercurial effects of holding yoga poses for longer than it takes to whisk a perfect Zabaglioni? So rich and creamy your third Chakra would shine the brightest of yellows when you eat it? No siree ma’am! You’re an enigma they are not willing to get acquainted with. They’ll never know if your medication is related to allergies, chronic sleeplessness or restless leg syndrome. Since you chose not to tell them all your business, I guess there are some who presume the worst.

All I know is I didn’t get to experience the experience. What stands behind those doors will forever be a mystery. Apparently the sensitivity of some who claim to be enlightened is lacking. I saw this with my own Third Eye and felt the prejudice penetrate my own Aura.

Shame on them! I expect higher levels of compassion and mentoring at these high-priced retreats than perhaps your average KOA. Wait, come to think of it, every time I’ve stayed at a KOA there were plenty of folks willing to teach me how to hook my camper up to the electrical and water sources. Gave me plenty of detailed accounts of the conditions of the bathrooms too, and happily shared a pot of franks ‘n beans. Nice people there.



Not quite my experience at the meditation and yoga retreat. Oh wait I didn’t get one. Think I’ll go make myself a nice juicy steak laden with bleu cheese butter then afterwards, roll out my yoga mat and sit and contemplate my navel.


At Least Someone is welcoming