Fool Proof? Really?

Well, they tasted okay - not really

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My second try

   #FoodBlog - Yes my last entry was a bit off.   A wave of immense aggravation washed over me and I allowed myself to succumb to a rip tide-like need to express the sentiment, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”  But my frustrations have been assuaged since then with a mixture of good friends and comfort food.

I did, in fact, indulge in that juicy steak, marinated in a combination of olive oil, dark rich balsamic, soy sauce, plenty of freshly minced garlic and a good dousing of Kosher salt and cracked pepper.  Then lovingly placed on a charcoal grill, the only way to grill, and festooned with a heavy dose of my most favourite of compound butters; unsalted butter and bleu cheese.  Actually, I came dangerously close to having a little steak with my butter, but no matter, I am appeased and all is right with the world. 

    So back to food!  My Sunday mornings are dedicated to  early swims or walks through the desert canyon behind my house,  followed by a long hot shower and  a cup or two of strong, hot coffee brewed with the best of freshly ground whole beans, in my French press.  I then commence upon the preparation of my newest waffle idea or one of the left-overs, I have carefully wrapped in parchment paper and encased in a Ziploc bag. 

About every six weeks or so, I embark upon new and uncharted waffle territory.  Conceptions that go beyond your average buttermilk, blueberry or chocolate chip, (I have yet to find a white, butterscotch or chocolate chip waffle that doesn’t leave a melted mess in the iron).  In my July blog, I shared with you my recipe for lemon waffles, topped with homemade lemon curd and blueberry compote.  They are amazing.  I’ve also had great success cooking up pumpkin, carrot cake, and sour cream/raisin waffles.  I did not, however, do so well my creation of a granola waffle.  In my head this waffle would’ve been a balanced combination of healthy fiber and breakfast sweet-tooth.  Unfortunately, my recipe was lacking in structure and fell apart in the waffle iron like crumbled bits of tile intended for a mosaic.  I had to scrape the remains out with a fork.  Another recent concoction was my Tropics Waffle.  A blend of beyond ripe, mashed bananas, shredded coconut and macadamia nuts, this made for a most delicious batter, (for those of us who still lick the spoon).  The waffle itself was actually better eaten unadorned as an afternoon snack with a cup of tea.  It was far too sweet to have maple syrup poured into its receptive squares or sprinkled with powdered sugar.

But this week is not about waffles, rather I am going to be brutally honest and share with you that not everything turns out.  Before my obsession with waffles, Sunday mornings were always dedicated to preparing something special for breakfast, yet only sometimes was experimental in nature.  Bacon and egg casseroles, frittatas, monstrous omelet’s, mushroom soufflés, you name it.  I was in.  Scones, oven-puffed pancakes, oatmeal cooked overnight in the Crockpot, biscuits!  Wait . . . biscuits.  I have not had much success with biscuits.  I’ve been trying to get biscuits right since Home Ec.  No matter which recipe fool-proof recipe I’ve used or what “secret ingredient” I added, my biscuits have always been better suited as paper weights than breakfast fare.  For a short period of time I was married to a Texan, and let me tell you, biscuits and gravy as well as chicken and dumplings, are a marital expectation.  Try as I might, I couldn’t get to light and fluffy.  Instead my level of biscuit making was bleak, stuck-to-the-pan-burnt, hockey puck.  We’re not married anymore.  But I’m still trying to make the biscuit thing work. 

Doughnuts, how hard can they be?  I’m adept at making crullers, beignets and sopapillas.  All are deep-fried pastries topped with sugary confections.  So why not try my hand at doughnut making?  But I didn’t want your average doughnut; I wanted to make my favourtie, the Old Fashioned doughnut.  A cake doughnut with a crispy, crunchy top and light and fluffy, (there’s that light & fluffy again), interior.  Not a sickeningly sweet confection, rather a poised disposition between satisfying yet plain.  I can’t tell you what happened.  I don’t know where I went wrong.  I followed the recipe exactly.  I used the very best ingredients.  But my doughnuts were like a Shakespearian tragedy.  They fell apart like funnel cake recklessly thrown into the cotton candy machine.  I didn’t give up.  I kept trying, but then the oil got dirty and I really had a mess on my hands.  More like in my hands. 

Jell-O-shots anyone?  Nope, not at my house.  I can’t make Jell-O either.  I’m not kidding.  I was recently inspired by a friend’s contribution to a potluck.  She had gone “retro” and brought a perfect Jell-O-salad mold.  What’s more this woman is way under fifty!  How does she even know about Jell-O molds?  Obviously this is a recipe that has been passed down to her.  Anyway, I decided to discard the old notion that I can’t make Jell-O.  To disregard those memories of a watery sugar-gelatinous jumble with grapes or fruit cocktail swimming freely in my fish shaped mold, (given to me by my grandmother).  No, I was now a grownup cook, who has gone to culinary school, worked as a personal chef and teaches cooking classes.  Of course I can make Jell-O now!  What’s to make?  Boiling water mixed with some colourful sugary powder.  Much to my dismay, I still cannot make Jell-O.  It had been over eight hours, I stood gaping at the unmoving fish mold, haunted by those same memories as once again I ended up with a mixture resembling Gack left sitting in a hot car to morph into a slimy, squishy mess.  My Jell-O never took shape. 

But I am not deterred.  I’ll try my hand at Jell-O making and doughnut frying sometime in the future.  Meanwhile I’m staying focused on those damn biscuits.  You may have better luck than I do with the biscuit portion, but I'll share my recipe for a comforting Mushroom and Dumpling Soup later this week  :o)

I wish!